MILITARY SPOUSE LIFE FROM OCT 6, 2006 TO APRIL 9, 2010

This will probably start pretty boring until I learn to be as creative as in my facebook posts. I'm Sharon. I'm 37, no kids and have been married just over 3 years to SSG Stanley Spears. He recently switched from the AZ National Guard to the Army reserves. Stan and I met on line (Yahoo 360) around November 2005 while he was in Iraq. We continued to chat after he got back to life at Ft Riley and then life in the MN National Guard. January 2006, fate intervened. He had a minor fender bender and I happen to work for the insurance company of the person he hit. Lo and behold the claim came to me! I recognized quite a few details about him in the file and discovered that it really was him. From that date we started talking on the phone. He was going through some rough times. He had left active duty and moved to MN for a full time National Guard job. He was going through a divorce from a cheating wife. But something about him drew me to him. We had great conversation on the phone. I said so many times that I felt that I had already met him. Finally I suckered him into coming to meet me in AZ. June 30, 2006 he arrived at Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport. I was there waiting with much anticipation. It all felt right as soon as I saw him. I wasted no time and introduced him to my entire family. We connected and I knew that he would be the one to keep. He left July 4, 2006 and a week later he had packed up what little belongings he had and made the long drive from MN to Phoenix to be with me. Fast forward just a few months to Oct 6, 2006 and we were married!

Life hasn't been easy. You have somewhat of an expectation going into a marriage with someone in the military but you can never fully prepare yourself. It's been a roller coaster. 1 week after we were married, he gets a call that he's deploying to Afghanistan in 2 mos. WHAT??? I just got married. No! they can't do this. Furthermore he just got back from Iraq just 10 mos prior. (pre-me). Devastation is the only word I can think for what I was feeling when I got that news. Pure devastation. Every day until the day he got back I cried. I would cry when I saw the expiration date on a milk carton and it expired after he left. Little things like that would trigger the flood gates. This was certainly baptism by fire with this whole military spouse thing. Not something I was ready for AT all. He mobilized to Ft Bragg, NC in Jan after an extremely emotional goodbye. Darn those early morning send offs filled with sad emotions. Sigh.. But this one ends well. Due to medical issues, they sent him home 2 weeks later and never deployed.

I realized I have a serious attachment to him. I cry when he goes away for anything. Drill weekends help me slowly get into the groove of the Army taking possession of him. CQ duty was the hardest.. What do you mean a full night without him?? I'd sleep with the light on if I slept at all.

Then came recruiting school in AR. Why is there never a time when training and schools are actually in the city you live???? Well I'm sure I cried when he left then too. I visited him and then cried when I got dropped off at the airport. Sigh... Well life as a recruiters wife certainly sucked too. He became 100% property of the Army. He had that government cell phone that put a damper on any occasion. It reminds me of the rose on the Bachelor that's sitting there on date night knowing that if you don't get that rose you're going home... not the best analogy I know but Im sure that scenario was stressful. Recruiting was long hours, weekends, holidays... oh and then there was that call during our 4th of July celebration.. he's ordered to go to the bar 45 minutes away for "team bonding." ARE YOU KIDDING ME...why is it that the Army says jump and you jump?

Well I survived all of the above and then came some sort of school in CA... I can't recall what it was but it was some sort of Army school that took him away for a month. He had weekends to sight see in San Fran. It's great that the Army pays for him to go all these places, but for once can't he take me?? We don't have time to do our own sight seeing cause the Army is always shipping him somewhere.

Well as you can see, the separations are slowly and gradually getting longer... then comes the ultimate... DEPLOYMENT.... yup.. this one is for real this time. I found out accidentally about this all expense trip to Iraq. .. bring on the floodgates!! With the reserves and national guard you're notified several months in advance. You want to believe that you can just breathe that sigh of relief and recognize that you have months to spend together before the separation. Nope... not so... well even before mobilization there's training here for a month, training here for a few weeks..and on top of that life goes on in my world and I have to work... before you know it, its "that time." You're up late the night before watching his last minute packing scramble. Reality hits.. he's sure packing a lot of stuff.. loading movies onto his computer and his ipod... packing lots of socks and undies and all this Army stuff which I couldnt tell you what any of that is. In the meantime, all I can do is watch. I want to grab my suitcase and pack my stuff and insist that I can come with him but logically I know that's not an option so I resist packing my bags. Finally ... sleep...

I'm learning the Army never asks you to be there at a decent time. It's all before the crack of dawn but nothing starts for 2 hours... be there 6 AM... seriously?? Isn't it bad enough I have to go through all this pomp and circumstance only to wave good bye to him and not know when I will actually see him again. Couldn't you at least allow me to be rested for this??? Oh did I mention that every time I get news of his deployment and every time there's a send off, I'm just days away from Aunt Flo visiting (get my drift?) .. as if all of this stress of him leaving wasn't emotional enough... I'm not in my normal emotional state and then add this stress? I'm lucky I haven't been committed...

Anyway Sept 2008, just shy of our 2 yr anniversary I say good bye and watch them bus out to head to the planes to Ft. Dix. My parents were kind enough to come with me and take me out to breakfast after.. although I'm sobbing all through breakfast.

Really the hardest part of deployment is the time leading up to it. .. It drags out. On the one hand you don't want it to get here and you want time to go slow but on the other hand, you just want it to start NOW so you can move on with your life and focus on the goals you have to accomplish while he's gone and also focus on his return. All these periods of training where I dont see him, I have to say goodbye, then hello and then goodbye and then hello... and then the emotional send off ceremony. UGH.. enough of that. .. and after going through all that emotion at the send off ceremony, they get 4 days to come home after about 45 days at the mob station. Then the next goodbye is good bye for too long.. and its off to the bad place, Iraq.

Now I know you're dying to know, did we survive deployment. Yes we did!! It sucked. It really sucked. .. but Stan did a great job keeping in touch and we chatted on the internet daily and I got regular emails from him. Phone calls weren't too often, but I was okay as long as we had some sort of communication. Phone calls were frustrating anyway. The cell phone connection was unreliable and 2 seconds into the phone call it would get cut off or the AT&T number was too busy. Then there were the fabulous morale calls with the delay and the voice in the background who counts down how much time you have left on your phone call. You have 5 minutes. You have 2 minutes. You have 30 seconds. SHUT UP!! Seriously whoever has that job of counting down has got to be the most cold hearted person ever.

I want to know everything and anything... I will google to death about where he is in Iraq. Not always a good thing. If I dont hear from him at a certain time I'll scour the news... if anything goes bad ANYWHERE in Iraq, there is a freak out moment. Even if he's nowhere near the action... that does not stop the freak out moments...

I made some good friends during deployment. I found someone I could help (Hi Kim)... she reached out to me in a forum about Camp Bucca. Her b/f was in Stan's unit. She was on an island essentially since she didn't know anyone. I got her connected and helped her during her freak out moments. Together we got in good with the FRG folks (thanks Tami and Marcy). It was neat to meet some gals from another unit that was deployed to Iraq at the same time (Helena, Liz).

Anyway... fast forward.. MID TOUR IS HERE!! I made sure to get pretty for the airport.. paced at the gate, facebooked ever second of my pacing..I couldnt sit still but my cute shoes were KILLING MY FEET. But honestly I wondered if he even noticed how cute my outfit was... but id tour went by too fast. I got frustrated having to share him with the rest of my family at some points.. I just wanted to keep him all to myself... Well fast forward 2 weeks and yet another goodbye.

I'd say now starts the count down to the return, but I didn't do count downs.. they were too overwhelming for me. I just needed to wake up and it all be over. Wait, wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait.. you get my point.

I focused on goals while he was gone.. pay off debt, lose weight... and I accomplished a lot of that.. although I found that the pounds some how re-appeared after his return... ugh..

FINALLY the day comes.. they are out of Iraq... but you think that the return is just around the corner... NOPE... they're stuck in Kuwait for what seemed like an endless amount of time... will this EVER end... EVER?? what seems like years later, they are finally in the states. Of course the Army cant send them home right away.. they have to de-mob ...again in another state.. I'm sure if I lived in that state then their training would be in AZ or somewhere else... but finally, reunion day arrives... I'm stressed, excited... I get stuck giving a ride to a mom of one of the soldiers... she was literally CRAZY.. she even admitted that she took her anti anxiety drugs before I got there but apparantly those didn't kick in. She was TERRIFIED of the highway... didn't help that I was getting lost all over the place and time was ticking, ticking, ticking... visions of missing the entire welcome home ceremony were flashing through my head and all the while I have this lady in my car that should probably be committed she's so crazy. She did n0t help my stress level. Needless to say I pawned her off on someone else for the ride back. I make it to the welcome home ceremony in the nick of time!! The news station was there to greet me!! Yay! I rallied a big crowd together for this welcome home. He's never had such a crowd before.

FINALLY we can get on with life... (Sept 2009). I did my miltary wife duty.. Dont make me do it again. But there was not much time for rest. .. another separation was just around the corner... due to the sucky AZ economy Stan was forced to take a job at Ft. Bliss, TX. Less than 3 mos after his return, he's heading to TX to live in what they call rejected "FEMA trailers." Sigh.. just when I thought I could actually have a husband... the next few months consisted of trips back and forth to TX visiting him as much as possible. A few months into it, he dangled a carrot in front of me... he'll switch to the Reserves where they have more jobs and then he'll be home with me... SOUNDS GREAT!! Sign up!!

The transition goes pretty smooth.. This is really meant to be. I'm excited to watch him swear in. Yes..!!! Life is going to be great now. He'll be able to get a full time Army job here and never have to leave again... WHOA... not so fast.. hi welcome to the new unit... we're deploying to GTMO by fall!! well the news on March 29 went from bad to worse.... the first news was that he had the option to stay on rear detachment or deploy.. well DUH I know the obvious choice.. and he toyed with going in hopes of avoiding Afghanistan... and it was only a 6 mos deployment... well that changed in an instant when the readiness NCO essentially told him he's SOL.. the 2 year dwell time was lost as soon as he switched to the reserves.... so now not only is he required to deploy oh by the way it's a YEAR tour!!!!! yet again bad news in my already fragile emotional state due to that awful monthly womanly thing... FLOODGATES...pull over the car, I want to throw up NOW.

A few days later I'm calm again... okay it's not until Sept... oh wait.. sorry that doesn't mean I'll be here until then he says. Training in CA the whole month of May and then a few weeks of training at Ft dix, NJ in Aug... As if deploying wasn't hard enough.. they take him away for weeks /months before they even deploy. The clock doesn't start until the mob starts... Fun plans for the summer dashed... My face is blue and I'm about to pass out cause i"m holding my breath waiting for the next piece of bad news...Thank you LORD that my family is only 5 minutes away. I think I'd slip into a pit of dispair if it wasn't for that.

The stress is making us both crack... had an argument last night where he yelled out that he couldn't wait to deploy. I almost suggested he find a unit that was deploying sooner so he could get his wish. He's pulled that I can't wait till I leave stunt before in the middle of an argument but the last time he promised not to say that ever again. So much for promises.... But we hashed it out and it's all good now...

Then comes the plan for children problem... Due to fertility issues, there's been no baby in our life... I think I'm content with that but he wants to be a dad... I'm not getting any younger.. 37 right now.. The doc said today that if I put it off any longer it will be too late. Just want I dont want to be pregnant with our first and probably only child and he's gone. I almost feel bitter about that. I'm the one who's going to have to go through this and he'll be gone. I know it's not by his choice but the feeling of resentment is still there. I guess we'll see.. maybe I can't even get pregnant.. I've been delaying figuring this all out. There just never seems like a good time.

Well that's my life as a military spouse from Oct 6, 2006 to today. More to come....